Check your priorities at the door, please...

I recently found this list of questions on Crosswalk. I didn't copy the exact link, sorry.

We are often asked to "check" our ego's at the door, meaning don't bring them into the situation or meeting to adversely affect the procedings. But I think the act of "checking my priorities" at the door is a practice I need to adopt. In this case, my priorities in life are supposed to follow me thru whatever 'door' I'm going thru. But in passing the door, it seems a logical time to assess why am I here? How does where I'm at today line up with my stated priorities? How does whatever I'm planning help or hinder my pursuit of these priorities.

Ask yourself these questions to check your priorities:
“What is my mission in life?”,
“Why do I do this kind of work?”,
“Where is my focus these days?”,
“What are my long-term goals?”,
“What are the important things in life to me?”,
“Who are the three people to whom I am closest?”,
“Are my relationships characterized more by giving or by getting?”,
“Are my relationships characterized by love?”,
“Who would I like to get to know better in the next six months?”,
“To whom am I accountable?”,
“Do I set aside a regular time and place for reflection?”,
“What does quietness look like in my life?”, “
What is the most common roadblock that keeps me from a regular time of quietness?”,
“How might keeping a journal help me to achieve more balance?” and
“What qualities would I most like to possess?”.

It seems like a pretty heady list, but I think the answers could prove very informative. Now I just need to take the time to honestly answer the questions...maybe share them with someone? (or vice versa)

Don't Worry, Be Happy

I came across an article on Crosswalk.com entitled "Anxiety is a Thief". I found this particular quote in it that I really liked.

In an article titled “Getting to the Heart of Your Worry” published in the
Journal of Biblical Counseling, Robert Jones writes: “Your worry is a sign that
in some way you are trusting in yourself, that you are building your life on
things or people other than Jesus. Your anxiety is an automatic indicator of a
heart that is not fully following the Lord but is temporarily following something
else. . . . To worry is to deny—in practical ways—God’s power, wisdom, and love
for you in your situation. To worry is to forget the full implications of your
identity as one of God’s chosen, adopted, and deeply loved children.”

I really struggle with worry, I worry about everything. Anyone who knows me, knows this. This robs me of my ability to just accpet and enjoy life as it comes, I also see how this is related to an incomplete and/or inaccurate view of God and his omniscience. I also see how this retards my growth into new areas of my life, or even physically overcoming fears while I am climbing.

Seeing God as my loving Father who cares enough to supply ALL my needs, and developing that trust in the idea that He is goign to fulfill that promise...that I think is the antidote for my worry. And the realiztion that even if I die climbing...at least I'll have a good story to tell for the first hundred years or so!!!!

Secondhand Sex

"We have what I call secondhand sex -- it's all over in the media and it's so ubiquitous, it's everywhere, we don't even notice it," Luce said. "It's like when you go into a dark room and your eyes can't see but then they adjust. Well, we've gotten used to the dark. We think it's normal like this. -Ron Luce
(as quoted by Nightline)

I was struck by this quote, even though I've known the concept for a long time. For me it's not just media, it's everywhere. My lust-radar is always looking for that next bit of lust-able material; visual, mental, verbal, tactile, olfactory. Doesn't matter, my lust will bend it to serve it's own purposes - given half the chance. But knowing this I have to recognize that when I'm out and about in the world, that I am not in a 'safe' place and I could be confronted with things at any moment in time that challenge my sobriety.

I need to be cognizent of the messages that the world is trying to sell me, and I need to have my responses memorized and ready to challenge them as they come into my brain.

So I might not be having sex - firsthand...but how many times do I permit myself to have 'second-hand sex'?

30 Days

Well, today is my 30th day of sobriety. I have been working program and recovery related items for the past year (I can't beleive it's a year). And today is the first time I have had 30 continuous days of sobriety in a row. This is only possible thru the power and grace of God. Notwithstanding all the people and resources He has placed in my life to facilitate this process.

I really expected to wake up today and hear the birds singing, the sun would be shining, doves would fly off my balcony...in truth, it's raining, I got woke up early by work related issues, and today looks like it will just like any other day.

And there's no magic in the 30th day where suddenly I don't feel tempted to Lust, or that the people, places, and things I have lusted over in the past no longer have a hold on me. But that is reality, and reality is never as good as fantasy...just a whole lot more sustainable.

So, I'm not unhappy with my 30th day of Sobriety. I'm just coming to see the reality of it. I might have wished for more...but this is what it is. Thank God that He has brought me this far, and I need to trust that He has plans to bring me much, much farther.

Thank you to those of you who have been faithfully sharing this journey with me.

Resurrection...The Day After

It occurred to me today that while I call myself a Christian, and I speak of the resurrection of Jesus as a settled fact within the framework of my beliefs...do I live differently today because of that?

For the most part; yes...but no. Do I do life in such a way that people are drawn to Christ? I can speak about Christ, but how many people come up to me and say you have qualities and aspects about your life that I want to have, what's your secret?

The answer? No one. At least not anyone in my "regular" life. I realize that I live a very meager existence as a Christian. I live on the fringes of joy, clinging desperately to little shreds of hope. Instead of living confident in the completed work of Christ on the cross.

This is not all bad, in the sense that no one lives the "life" perfectly. And that I have years to grow and learn more about Christ and how to relate to him in an ever deepening and more personal way. But I also have to realize the part that past sins (and some current ones) play in undermining the hope and confidence that God desires for His children to have.

So what do I do with this knowledge? I need to find concrete ways to put it in practice. How I respond to people at work is the only way that they know me...and my brusque responses are not winning me any popularity contests. I have look at how I view my current struggles, and I am defeated and forlorn, or should I seek to be more encouraged by God's persistence with me.

I was reminded this weekend that my internal beliefs have little value unless they become external attitudes and actions that bring honor and glory to Christ's name. I saw a commercial that indicated "....apparently execution does account for something". Also in James, it talks about faith without deeds being dead, so action (for me) is the working out of what I know into the realm of what I do.

But I need to be really careful, lest what I do become a smoke-screen for what I don't know.

Anger

Wow, I am feeling pretty bummed right now.

I am frustrated over a laptop thing at work, I am really mad about a stupid copier my boss agreed to install to pacify a user. We make decisions around here for all the wrong reasons.

I am mad about all the things I can't control. I am mad about the mess both figurativily and physically I find myself sitting in the middle of.

I am mad when I wake up, I am mad when I goto bed. I am mad that I feel this way. I hate my job today, I hate the fact that I need it more than they need me.

I am mad that back still hurts, I am frustrated at my lack of consistency to implement the exercises that might make a difference. I hate where I'm at, but I fail to move to be someplace else.

I want someone to take care of me, then I resent the idea that I am so helpless as to be unable take care of myself.

Let's face it, I'm just mad...and that is just maddening.

Shame on me

I try to surrender, I try to change, but I'm still stuck with these feelings about who I am. I have asked forgiviness for the things I've done, but how am I forgiven for what I am?

I think the problem is my definition of who I am. But I have been asked to look into this idea of what is shame, so as to facilitate my relegation of the inordinate amounts of shame in my life to their proper place.

"Guilt says I've done something wrong; shame says there is something wrong with me. Guilt says I've made a mistake; shame says I am a mistake. Guilt says what did was not good; shame says I am no good." Bradshaw (1988).

With guilt, the response is a desire for atonement, to make amends, to correct a mistake, or heal a hurt.

With shame, there is just painful feelings of depression, alienation, self-doubt, loneliness, isolation, paranoia, compulsive disorders, perfectionism, inferiority, inadequacy, failure, helplessness, hopelessness, narcissism. "Shame is a sickness of the soul. It is the most poignant experience of the self by the self, whether felt in humiliation or cowardice, or in a sense of failure to cope successfully with a challenge. Shame is a wound felt from the inside, dividing us both from ourselves and from one another." Kaufman (1996).

http://www.noogenesis.com/malama/guilt.html

I ran into this quote from a web article, it is something I need to ponder more. But it's something I need to ask God about. I seem to have several items that occur to me throughout the week that make me think, "Hmm, I have to remember to ask my counselor about that thought or feeling later" but yet I fail to have even a couple occurances of thinking, "Hmm, I really need to ask God what he thinks of that and what He might have me to do about it."

So, note to self; ask God about shame thing