So today is an okay day, but I think I must've not paid my DISH bill recently because I think I have alot less channels available to me this morning!!! Like I only have the NASA education channel and one home shopping thing. Which made me think, hmmm, I'm not doing well at keeping up on my bills very well, but secondly...what if I don't NEED t.v.? I mean actually don't need t.v. That is a big step for me....t.v. is like my other roomate, it's just noise, but occasionally fun to have around. I always have the t.v. on, when I'm on the computer the t.v. is on, when i'm eating it's in front of the t.v., if I'm in the other room doing dishes...yep the t.v. is on. Thats a whole lot of t.v. and not a whole lot of quiet. I think it's the quiet that scares me. I am so afraid of being alone with myself, I'm not entirely sure why...I guess I'm afraid of actually having to 'feel' lonely. I know I am but if I'm distracted enough maybe I don't have to feel it.
So I'm considering a t.v. fast. I'm not sure for how long maybe 30 days, nor am I sure it needs to be a total blackout...just the fact that I don't have service to my house is good. I need to see how long I can keep my equipment and still restart service later. Someone out there is saying, "why not just not have cable anymore?". Those people must not live alone in Wisconsin in the winter! But if I can do this for some time to focus on the issues at hand and commit more time to reading instead of just being zoned out on the couch. I'll still have music, and I still have Internet so I can communicate with people and such.
So I'd appreciate your prayer regarding this, it seems like a small thing but I sorta think that it is just the start of peeling away the protective layers of noise and activity that I have tried to cover myself with.
