Man in the mirror

So it's been a bit since my last post, it appears that I really like to post when things are going well, but totally go underground when it's not. That seems to be true in several facets of my relations with people around me. I was out of town for a few days on vacation. It seems like "vacation" is good excuse to take time off from recovery. Once I returned home I did not make the effort to reintegrate myself into the Program. As a direct result, as slip was inevitable.

But as I finally started to go back to meetings and begin to re-apply the principles of the program, I do see this one area that has been a consistent 'soft-spot' in my program. I can go to meetings, I can fill out forms, I can make tough phone calls about my past, but the one thing I have consistently avoided doing on a daily basis is honestly looking at (and dealing with) the character defects and broken beliefs inside of me.

I refuse to look in the mirror and be honest about what I see there.

But there is no other way, the problem is not "out there" in the world (or other people). The problem is in me, the diseased attitudes, beliefs, fantasies....it's all in me. And all of my interactions with the people around me are perceived thru that distortion, hence the irrational fears, or the misread relational cue's that seem to plague my life.

The key? Time spent with God in honest introspection, healthy interaction with others, and desire to become transparent (even vulnerable) to others in this process.

# days sober = 4 days