Disintegration

Really hit a rough patch this week. So my struggle isn't my only issue and I have found that when I am having a rough time in other areas of life the pornography and acting out is worse. So looking at my life honestly I have to admit that I am a wreck. Personally, spiritually, and financially. My lack of discipline in all of these areas is the chaos that feeds/justifies my addiction and contributes to the feelings of hopelessness. But I am not hopeless, nor am I helpless, I am also not alone. My choices are what got me here. Every dirty dish, I own. I made that...and when I decided it was easier to toss it in the sink instead of deal with it...that small mess grows.I have a good job, I just spend more than I make...apparently. I am always tired when i get home because I dont' exercise enough. But finding the energy to exercise when you come home to the same chaos everyday....it's not easy. All of us here face similar struggles I am sure. Mine are not the worst. I just have to work on it. one dish, one bill, one load of laundry at a time. I can't recover in only one area of my life....I have to recover my life in whole. God came to make us whole, to integrate what was dis-integrated.

Reboot

I work in IT.

When your computer bogs down, starts throwing errors, or gets all mucked up from too much porn.

Reboot.

Rebooting resets the computer to it's normal state, clears out the current memory, and can give you a chance to fix whatever the initial issue was.

What it won't do is fix hardware problems, or bad programming.  That takes skilled help, it takes effort, it means that you have to go in a clean out whats causing the problem.

Sometimes your computer has to crash before you admit you need to reboot.

I crashed.  And am in desperate need of a reboot.