Shame on me

I try to surrender, I try to change, but I'm still stuck with these feelings about who I am. I have asked forgiviness for the things I've done, but how am I forgiven for what I am?

I think the problem is my definition of who I am. But I have been asked to look into this idea of what is shame, so as to facilitate my relegation of the inordinate amounts of shame in my life to their proper place.

"Guilt says I've done something wrong; shame says there is something wrong with me. Guilt says I've made a mistake; shame says I am a mistake. Guilt says what did was not good; shame says I am no good." Bradshaw (1988).

With guilt, the response is a desire for atonement, to make amends, to correct a mistake, or heal a hurt.

With shame, there is just painful feelings of depression, alienation, self-doubt, loneliness, isolation, paranoia, compulsive disorders, perfectionism, inferiority, inadequacy, failure, helplessness, hopelessness, narcissism. "Shame is a sickness of the soul. It is the most poignant experience of the self by the self, whether felt in humiliation or cowardice, or in a sense of failure to cope successfully with a challenge. Shame is a wound felt from the inside, dividing us both from ourselves and from one another." Kaufman (1996).

http://www.noogenesis.com/malama/guilt.html

I ran into this quote from a web article, it is something I need to ponder more. But it's something I need to ask God about. I seem to have several items that occur to me throughout the week that make me think, "Hmm, I have to remember to ask my counselor about that thought or feeling later" but yet I fail to have even a couple occurances of thinking, "Hmm, I really need to ask God what he thinks of that and what He might have me to do about it."

So, note to self; ask God about shame thing