Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Messy

This article said alot to me. It presents the thought "If a single person cleans out a closet and no one's around to woohoo it, does the accomplishment really count?" I have tried several times in the past month to get ahead of the curve on the cleaning. But alas I'm not making the headway I hoped for.

I was able to do my taxes, only because I need the money...but I don't clean "just for myself", I only clean because I dread what others think when they see me sitting amidst my pile of sheight. Then again its a strong metaphor for how I feel in dealing with my internal stuff too.

And I think the embarassment (read: shame & guilt) of inviting others to sit with me in my stinking pile of sheight, the whole rotting, putrid mess of it...it's too much. But if I don't...I'll die, alone, covered in sheight.

I'm left wondering, am I willing to to do the tough work of recovery just for me? Even if there is no future promise of someone walking into my apartment/life and tellign me what a great job I did.

If no one were to notice my recovery, would I still do it, just for myself?

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