Is Anybody Out There???

I am finding that I am crippled, by loneliness...

It seems that even if I have a great time hanging out with someone, or a group, the fact of the matter is I go home alone. Ok, so I understand on a logical level that I am not alone. I have family and friends who care about me, I am part of a group of guys committed to dealing with the same issue of addiction, and yet I still feel lonely.

My loneliness seems to be tied to my feeling of not being accepted. And from what I read, the fantasy of sexual addiction is for that moment "I'm in relationship" with that fantasy person, they don't reject me, they are "present" with me when no one else is. Of course, it's all a lie...and eventually when the moment is over the loneliness comes back even stronger.

So I've been sober 9 days now, and it feels just as lonely as before. Except now I see myself yearning for people to contact me. Just send me an email, call me, 'need' something from me. And that exposes yet another sick twist to the addiction...relationaly I'm broken. I feel this need to be needed. And even when I do have seemingly normal interactions with friends...I am left wanting more. I can only liken it to sitting down at a big meal, eating the whole thing, physically you are full, but even before you push away from the table, you want more...more of what - you aren't sure, but you are left with this feeling that you are still 'hungry'.

The hope is that Christ has promised us satisfaction in Him. I am just looking in all the wrong places to fix my loneliness. That appears to be the story of the human race, so apparently i'm not alone in that! So how is it that I can find my satisfaction in Christ alone and not be crushed when my friends do not contact me at a rate sufficient to satiate my hunger?

7"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 8For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.
9"Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? 10Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? 11If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! 12So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets. Matt 7:7-12 NIV