I think one of the bigger issues for me with lust is that I am still more than willing to "go there" in my head. 'mankin the sponkey' isn't the issue...its a symptom of the issue. And the problem is I am willing to go there, hang out, come back, chill....but its only when I do something physical that I feel bad and have to admit I've lost my sobriety. It's like losing control of my car 10 miles back, but I didn't officially have an "accident" until I hit a tree. I have had some painful (emotional) experiences lately that have brought some more of the issue to the forefront, as a result I've started seeing my counselor more often and we have begun to dig back into the manure pile of stuff that has assisted me on my journey here.
One of the other issues that really contributes to this is unforgiveness...namely by me - for me. I feel (incorrectly) like I have failed in ways that it is impossible to really forget. Which while contrary to the Gospel and Christs message of grace...is a point I still struggle with - I know it in my head, but the operational belief is still that I have err'd in ways that disqualify me from holding my head up and living life without always attempting to "make up for" the past.
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