Thursday, June 05, 2008

Feeling like I don't belong

So I goto 'group therapy' sessions, and I am always feelign liek the odd man out. Mostly due to the fact that I'm the only one losing my sobriety between the last session and the current one. Everyone else there has like 6 mo or more. So I was making noises and taking steps towards pulling myself out of those sessions. I feel like "group" work is like Level 2 stuff, level 1 being basic sobriety, meeting's, phone calls. Staying sober. And I'm not doing Level 1 consistently, or even inconsistently.

But maybe I'm trying to pull myself out not as a way to help myself, but moreso to remove myself from the spot that makes me feel guilt and shame over my actions. I wanted to stop going as a way to re-focus on Level 1 stuff and start seeing the Pope one on one more. maybe I just have to admit that I'm not doing what I should and instead of running away I should be running into...into not only group session every other week, but commit to one on one sessions with the Pope on the opposite weeks.

I have no idea how I'll be able to fit that into the schedule with PT, and the exercise stuff I need to do to rehab my back. But I guess that is why it is a God-thing, not a Brett-thing

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