Give up Climbing....

So today I went to see the counselor, I have not had an official one on one with him since Nov 15th. And today he dropped a bombshell.

"I think you should give up climbing" (he also said something about 30 meetings in 30 days, but I was still stuck back on the give up climbing part)

No climbing, no trips, no hanging out...just recovery. Why does that sound like such a pitiful life? I have been crying most of the night so far, fearing that I am being asked to give up the one thing that has brought me a measure of joy over the past few years. But is that joy a mere pitance compared to joy that God wants to bestow on life fully centered on him? A life that may yet involve climbing, but climbing in balance with the other areas and elements of my life.

Do I hang on to the life I know or do I let go and trust the Program to catch me? I'm so afraid, afraid to try, afraid to fail, afraid that all I will end up is alone, and still an addict. To say no to this....is to thwart every good thing that God is trying to do in my life...of that I am almost convinced. Yet I am remain terrified of the prospect.

Oh that my cowardly heart would suffer an untimely demise that a much more courageous one would take it's place.