Ok, so more than one, but it hit me today while sitting in an SA meeting that I have a problem relating with people who don't need me. There is nothing I have or can do that they don't have or cannot do for themselves, hence they don't need me.
And for some reason that makes it harder for me to connect with them. I have built a life around being helpful, giving advice, or passing on some skill...and I feel good when I do those things. Maybe even feel like it gives me a purpose. And when I don't feel needed; I feel lonely, old, and basically have a pity-party for myself.
But thsi idea of being needed also implies an in-equity in the relationship, and that without something to give (or get) there is little obvious reason for a relationship. I think this speaks alot to my co-dependant tendencies. And I'm only scratching the surface.
I have relationships that may have started in the needed phase (or a perceived need or teaching opportunity) and have progressed out of that. But I still find myself, in those relationships, hovering a little too much, maybe offering more advice than is really needed or wanted. I wonder how much damage am I doing to the friendship by being that way, and how the heck do I not be that way?
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