Shameless

One of the most amazing parts of this last weekend was not fully realized until some time after I got home. In the conversations that followed with friends, my sponsor, and my counselor; it became apparent that one of the elements with which I struggle so much (shame) was not present in my re-telling of the events and happenings of the weekend.

It was true...for possibly the first time in my life, I was shameless (or very nearly so). An unexpected gift of grace. Over the years my shame has crippled me, "I'm different", "they wouldn't like me if they knew what I was thinking", "I'm disqualified from ministry because of this". That shame keeps me from beleiving I will amount to anything, that I will be useful, or even that I deserve to be loved.

But in that moment, without much fanfare, God was showing me what it's like to live without that shame. The release from shame comes in being truly known; known that I struggle, known that I fail, and accepted anyway. In the end, I need to learn to accept myself - but it appears that God shows us how it's done when others accept us; sins, scars, struggles, and all.