Romans

I have so much stuff rolling around in my head from the weekend that I was on. I wrote some of it out in my blog already. I've tried to have a conversation everyday regarding it (to keep it fresh). I'm still finding that one of the things I miss is human contact, spending face to face time with people on a consistent basis. Just the kinds of "hang out" time, play games, watch movies, climb. And I have so little of those right now, and what time I do get usually ends up being with either a non-christian or someone who doesn't know my story, and there is not the freedom to just share what is running thru my head. Phone calls make a pretty good surrogate, but there are only a handful of ppl outside of the program that I can talk to....and it seems like it doesn't always have to be about the issue (altho that seems to be the brunt of it) but simply being able to talk to someone who knows my story and my struggle with same-sex attraction...and still accepts me - that is the powerful element of it.

This weekend is one of the first in about 4 or 5 weeks that I will actually be in town. Which is scary because that means I have to deal with staying sober straight up, no excuses or distractions to fall back on.

These are the verses I read this morning that I really need to chew on for a bit still. (Rom 12:1-2 and Rom 12:9-21) But they really spoke to me about how I should be, those things which I should be striving for. And it made me realize how little striving versus how much struggling I have been doing. And for me, the difference between those two ideas is that when I just struggle, I am flopping like a fish out of water hoping that somehow I will, miraculously, flop back into the water), but striving, for me, implies a more directed force and goal to the exhertions.