Progress?

Progess...not likely. I indulged myself last night in my favorite pastimes of lust, porn, and self-gratification. It sounds so awful when you say it, but it's totally appealing to me when its happening.

Tonight is the Pure Life bible-study. I don't want to go. I don't want to go because when i go ther eI want to be one of the successful ones, someone who is making progress. And that...I am not. Just so you don't pick up the phone to yell at me just yet...I'm going....I just don't "want" to go. But I know it's the right thing to do, regardless of how I feel.

I have no life at home except to sit on the couch wathcing tv, playing a computer game, or indulging my addictions. I have not been doing wash, dishes, dealing with the mold in my bedroom, sorting, organizing, cleaning effectively at all. I am either not at home until late, or otherwise engaged so I don't have to deal with it. This is really not a healthy way of dealing....nor am I really turning to God or the Bible for help. I just sit. Not good.

So where does the motivation come to get up off the couch?

2Now there is in Jerusalem near the Sheep Gate a pool, which in Aramaic is called Bethesda[a] and which is surrounded by five covered colonnades. 3Here a great number of disabled people used to lie—the blind, the lame, the paralyzed.[b]
5One who was there had been an invalid for thirty-eight years. 6When Jesus saw him lying there and learned that he had been in this condition for a long time, he asked him, "Do you want to get well?" 7"Sir," the invalid replied, "I have no one to help me into the pool when the water is stirred. While I am trying to get in, someone else goes down ahead of me."
8Then Jesus said to him, "Get up! Pick up your mat and walk."
9At once the man was cured; he picked up his mat and walked. John 5:2-9

So it's pretty clear that Jesus has compassion on this man who is paralyzed by his infirmity, whatever it is, and heals him. But what about me? I'm not unable to go the well, I am just unwilling...but do I really have a choice...is this thing so ingrained in me that I have no will left to deny it? That can't be true.

but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin. Romans 7:23-25

But how? What are the individual steps that I need to take to become a slave to righteousness? Submit....but what does that look like when all you see is Lust? Obey...when I haven't submitted myself in obedience in more years than I can accurately remember?

Where did my Faith go... I seem to have misplaced it somewhere...