I have really struggled lately with identifying with my problem. No one wants to be called an addict of any kind, but sexual addiction seems to have an even more sinister rap. So while I need to be in Recovery, do I have to sound happy and excited about it? But if I am not happy that I'm recovering...then would I rather be stuck back in a time and place where I still hurt but didn't have a name for it, or a plan of action to follow that God has used to heal thousands of this same affliction?
I found myself wishing that I was sick with an infection, or pneumonia, or something...anything that they can jab a needle in your arm and fix while you lay there. Oh it might suck, and it will prolly hurt, but you just have to survive it. Struggling with an addiction is like being asked to do surgery on yourself. You have to look down and start cutting away at the infected parts, layer by painful layer. Even though the pain clouds your vision, you have to keep working, until it's too much...then you take a break (be gentle with yourself) and go back at it later. And every morning you have to get up and look for signs of new infection, you have to poke your fingers into all of the old wounds and see if it is getting better or worse. This is the life-long prospect of an addict. Sure, the further along in the recovery process you get, the less intense the work becomes (as I understand it), but the maintenance is still required, vigilance is a must. Thanks be to God who loves us and cares for us. If I had to do this (or consider it, since I am so new in the process) without God, oh boy, my heart trembles now, it would easily stop of its' own volition without a Saviour to trust.
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