On Coasting...

coast : verb
To move without further use of propelling power.
To act or move
aimlessly or with little effort:

That pretty much defines my spiritual state in the past 7 to 10 days. I don't know when I did it, but I realized on Sunday that I had basically thrown the "car" out of gear and into nuetral. Not a drastic change in direction, not stepping on the brakes, but just easy it out of gear so as to not reach the intended destination as fast as it was approaching. This relates mainly to my internal struggles with lust, every time I turn around its a new temptation or an opportunity to indulge in lustful thoughts/actions. I think I just got tired of fighting, and so I just slipped it into nuetral. I figure no one would notice for a while...the engine still sounds like its running, the car is still moving, I haven't applied the brakes or made any sudden changes of direction. I'm just coasting for a bit.

The problem with coasting is that I can only go so far on this momentum, the friction of normal life eventually overcomes the spiritual momentum that I think I've built up. And much like a car without power on the freeway, its only a matter of time before I slow down enough to become a danger to those coming up behind me, unaware that I'm just coasting.

It also appears to me to be a form of passive-aggressive spirituality. I am not saying "no" to God in a verbalized action sense, I'm just not saying "yes" with my foot on the gas pedal. So I have the intention of driving in the correct direction but I do not have the proper "drive" behind it. I've verbalized my support for the idea, but I'm unwilling to spend my gas money to see it happen.

In the sermon I listened to this past sunday, the pastor was stating how God defines obedience as 100 percent of what He asked of us. Saul destroyed 90 percent of the captured animals and spoils, but kept the best animals alive. When Samuel asked him what he was doing, Saul tried to be deceptive. But Samuel said, "What then is this bleating of sheep in my ears? What is this lowing of cattle that I hear?" But Samuel replied: "Does the LORD delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as much as in obeying the voice of the LORD ? To obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed is better than the fat of rams."

I'm in the car, pointed in the right direction, I'm even on the right road...I just don't have the engine fully engaged. And that is disobedience in God's eyes....Saul got himself thrown out as King for it. I cannot kid myself that coasting doesn't have it consequences, I just don't know when that is going to sink in.