Good Grief

I didn't know there even was such a thing as good grief. But I think I'm experiencing it.

I had been holding some really painful stuff inside for a long time, and I finally let it out. That, unfortunately, is not the end of the situtation...it's really just the beginning. But one of the emotions I have started to experience is grief. Once the major fear and anxiety started to abate, the grief seems to be the primary emotion that I'm feeling. It really feels pretty similar to the feelings I had when I learned that my grandma had died.

In that moment, everything changes. What was, no longer is, and now a whole new reality is laid out before you. I can wish that it would go back to being like it was, but that won't happen. So now I need to operate under the new reality. I can't go back and change the past, I could hope that it is different...but it isn't, this is my reality. I've used lust and my addictive behaviours to run from reality for a long time.

So here I am, experienceing the raw emotions of life. It sometimes feels like a 600 pound gorilla is sitting on my chest, but that feeling will pass.

# days sober = 2