I have known this for awhile but its really hard to admit it to other people, but I'm pretty sure I struggle with a sexual addiction. This is more than just temptation, this is a coping mechanism that I have adopted to mask deeper issues, and my habits match the addictive cycle pretty closely. Unfortunatley this means this is not something I can effectively deal with on my own, but yet one of the very common traits to a sexual addiction is the isolation that the shame and paranoia forces you into. I need to be diligent to know what voices to listen to when I feel like I just wanna be alone.
I am going to a meeting this Thursday at church called Pure Life. Its basically a support group for people involved in this sort struggle. I am really scared to go...its hard enough to admit this sort of thing over email, but to have show up physically in a room where people might recognize me and ask why I'm there.
Its funny how God chooses to make himself known, this last week I put the Relient K CD back in my player. Its a CD that I've listened to before, but a song that I normally skip really stuck out at me.
"and you said I know that this will hurt
I am going to a meeting this Thursday at church called Pure Life. Its basically a support group for people involved in this sort struggle. I am really scared to go...its hard enough to admit this sort of thing over email, but to have show up physically in a room where people might recognize me and ask why I'm there.
Its funny how God chooses to make himself known, this last week I put the Relient K CD back in my player. Its a CD that I've listened to before, but a song that I normally skip really stuck out at me.
"and you said I know that this will hurt
but if I don't break your heart then things will just get worse
If the burden seems too much to bear
Remember the end will justify the pain it took to get us there"
It is so amazingly true of where I find myself, but it offers some hope of a day when I can look back and understand that the end really justifies the pain it took to get us there. I seldom feel like I have teh energy to fight this anymore...but I understand the alternative just sucks. I don't wanna go there, I want a real life back! And the only path that leads there is in a relationship with Christ.
It is so amazingly true of where I find myself, but it offers some hope of a day when I can look back and understand that the end really justifies the pain it took to get us there. I seldom feel like I have teh energy to fight this anymore...but I understand the alternative just sucks. I don't wanna go there, I want a real life back! And the only path that leads there is in a relationship with Christ.
I picked up a book called Out of the Shadows, so far what I've read has been pretty good.
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